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Building Self Confidence - Samples

Develop Self Confidence Audiobook

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Building Self Confidence:
Developing the Skills You Need to be Confident


Values and Your Belief System (excerpt from Chapter 3)

If you want to increase your self-confidence you need to know and live by your own values and belief system. People who lack self-confidence seem to take on the beliefs of those around them, agreeing with people. They may be afraid to show their true selves for fear of rejection. They may be afraid that others will not approve of them or their views and are therefore not willing to say what they really think. Instead they go along with the crowd so they feel as though they fit in better.

In reality, if you don't show your views and your own values, you aren't letting people see the real you. You are hiding behind a façade that few, if any, people can penetrate. In order to be able to show your views you need to understand your own values and belief system.

Take some time to evaluate your own thoughts and feelings about major issues. One way to do this is through journaling. Journaling allows you to write down your own thoughts and feelings every day. The more often you journal the better you will be able to come to know yourself. Try journaling every evening before going to bed. You can write about anything that happened that day. You can then go back to your journal later to learn more about yourself. With today's hectic lifestyle it's hard to spend time evaluating yourself. Your journal can help you uncover things about yourself that can help improve your self-confidence.

Everyone has his or her own belief system. Often families share similar values but even people who are related to one another may have slightly different beliefs. Make sure that you aren't just like a chameleon, taking on the values or beliefs of those around you.

Everyone has certain things they feel they should do or certain ways they feel they should act. These ideas started when you were young. Often, your parents told you what you should and should not do. As an adult you may feel guilt when you ignore or dismiss one of the things you think you should do.

"Shoulds" affect your self-confidence. They are rules you are trying to follow that may actually be unhealthy for you. "Shoulds" demand you to act in ways that may be impossible. You may be living with childhood shoulds. These are ideas that may have served you well as a child but need to be revised or gotten rid of entirely.
How do you know what your 'shoulds' are and how they serve you? Make a list of all the things you tell yourself you should do.

Some of the things we have always told ourselves to believe may not be healthy for us. We can't be all things to all people. Healthy values are those that are flexible. There are no such things as rigid rules. Our values have to be able to reflect the unique circumstances that happen all the time. Healthy values are truly believed, not just forced upon us. When our parents told us to feel a certain way, that didn't make us automatically feel it. In order for values to be healthy we need to take them as our own. The values also need to be realistic. If you have unrealistic values you will never be able to attain them, thus setting yourself up for failure every time. Healthy values help enhance your life, not cause you undue stress or put restrictions on you. You need to be able to be free to follow your true self, wherever that may lead you. Values that are too near-sighted restrict you from reaching out of your small comfort zone. While staying in your comfort zone may feel good, it will not let you become your full self.

Developing the Skills You Need to be Confident Audiobook

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